You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
