I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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