Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
