I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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