I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
