dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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