I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
A+ Viking dick
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize