It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
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He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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