i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize