I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
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He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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