she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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