I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
They took my balls.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
