I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
