Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
