She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize
