wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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