My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
