What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you never un-have a 4some
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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