I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
operation have a gay friend backfired
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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