Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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