To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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