is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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