i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
