She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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