I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
