The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
