I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
