Jerry, you need to find god
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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