Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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