..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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