How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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