someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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