your room smells of hookers.
And success
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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