if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
