Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
