Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
This house was built for laser tag.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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