I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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