I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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