So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
A+ Viking dick
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
