Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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