i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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