It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
