you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
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She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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