I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my shit smells like andre
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
