there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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