my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
