I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.