Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"