I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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