So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
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she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
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Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
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