omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just threw up on my dentist
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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