Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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