Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
