I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
