I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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