Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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