Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize