come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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