so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
found the other keg... it's in the tree
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
