I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
